← Back to portfolio

David & Goliath : 3 Tips When Mothers Facing a Goliath

Published on

Do you remember your bed time story about David and Goliath? How a little David could magically defeat Goliath (the giant, full of armour and weapon) only with a little stone. Logically speaking, it’s Goliath who supposed to easily defeat David, but then it would not be a bed time story. Have you ever facing any kind of powerful opponent? say it your boss, or misfortune or the law or the unjust system, social pressure or even social circumstances that push you to the corner. Anyone/anything that makes you think or feel less. How would your brain respond to it? Freeze? Fight? Flight?.

As a mother in this rashly overflowing information era, and the reality of how close strangers or relatives could easily judge our life, I capture Goliath in a form of social pressure, social stigma or the act of ‘mom shaming’ that we need to fight every single day. Count it as a blessing if someone never throw you a statement like “Don’t you think staying at home with all your capability and degree is a waste of time?” if you a stay at home mother, or “Won’t you regret missing your little one’s milestones?” If you are a full time working mother.

This kind of everyday goliath creeps into our life on a daily basis, it is taken for granted enough that sometimes the person itself did not realize what spilled through their tongue. The debate about whether a mother should stay at home or work should not be a debate in the first place. I believe every mother has the right to be free to decide what she wants to be--a stay-at-home mom, a-working-mom or even stay-at-home-while-working. We all should be free to choose without the burden of social pressure. I'm blessed to be in a situation where I have the privilege to choose my situation, but many other mothers trying to survive in their condition, because the circumstances force them to. And I could not imagine how hurt they would feel when another person asked why they did not do the vis-a-vis of their situation.

Here are 3 tips if you are facing the Goliath that creeps into your conversation based on my own experiences:

  1. 1. Don't be mad: Mad could be just an instant reaction. You can just take a deep breath gives you a pause in the present moment, so in that split second you can gain a perspective necessary to view what is happening put things in perspective and make a good respond. As stated in Tina Bryson & Dan Siegel “The Yes Brain” book, from neurobiological perspective, this space of mind enables the range of possibilities to be considered and offers us a way of choosing to be our wisest self-possible at the moment.
  1. 2. Explain Why you are at your situation: Sometimes people ask a question because they want to feel better, or they have an expectation for you but they see it’s not match, or they just inherently curious, that they are unintentionally shaming. According to Daniel Kahneman, Humans brain has 2 systems, system 1 easy, intuitive, fast and effortless, which it is our normal or everyday mode, and system 2, the system that require us to thinking effortful, high concentration, slow and hard thinking. Knowing that our everyday mode is system, 1 it explains that sometimes, people ask questions without thinking deeper. Thus, your explanation will jar up their brain mode to system 2 and it makes everything clear, they will most likely understand, feeling empathy, and maybe even feel guilty for throwing the question. Remember to watch your temper and explain it with a calm tone and a smile won’t hurt anybody.
  1. 3. Turn the conversation into positivity: Praise and thank them sincerely, for asking your situation, you can say “thank you for your concern/ thank you for caring/I appreciate your concern”. You can also ask about any solution or what’s their thought, people loves when their voice being heard. If you don’t feel like it you can also change the subject. Always try to end the conversation in positive atmosphere, because people might not remember the whole conversation but they remember the last feeling that they had at the end of the conversation.

This kind of goliath shan’t be preserved and should be fought, and this is one of my ways to counter it. We need to stand up together and make sure that our mind is open minded enough to appreciate other people whose decision is not the same as what we are or what we thought. We also need to watch out our own words sometimes what we think might have been totally a harmless question or comment could be taken by another person as hurtful. So before we speak up make sure that we are not doing or posing the goliath that make another mother feel badly about themselves, choice or situation. We shall always remember that every family institution has their own rule and that is not our right to judge.

0 Comments Add a Comment?

Add a comment
You can use markdown for links, quotes, bold, italics and lists. View a guide to Markdown
This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. You will need to verify your email to approve this comment. All comments are subject to moderation.